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The Ultimate UNFCCC Playlist to Survive COP21 Final Hours

By December 11, 2015 No Comments

As we furiously typed our stories this last week, we realized there are many pop songs that perfectly match negotiatiors’ behavior and positions here at Le Bourget. It’s magical when your Spotify playlists are running head-to-head with the Twitter feed for #COP21, but we know not everyone is lucky enough as to witness this perfect timing.

So… as the final hours of COP21 loom over the venue, we decide to share the ultimate UNFCCC playlists matching delegates’ high emotions with your favorite Adele song.

Never mind, honorable delegates, we will find someone like you.

1- Katy Perry “Hot N Cold” – This is so Norway on Human Rights

Norway’s delegation reportedly became a Katy Perry fan a few weeks back, just as their position on human rights began to waiver.

It seems to have had a big influence on their behaviour here, as they blocked it for the first week and a half, but then had a hot flush in our final plenary.  

Cause you’re hot then you’re cold
You’re yes then you’re no
You’re in then you’re out
You’re up then you’re down
You’re wrong when it’s right
It’s black and it’s white
We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make up

Looks like they finally made up (or have they?), but since the break up – things just haven’t been the same.

 

2. Somebody that I used to know – India to Brazil, after the Brazilians joined the High Ambition Coalition.

We hear that India was feeling a bit down after Brazil announced it was joining the new High Ambition Coalition. It’s quite understandable. There was a time India and Brazil were best buddies in the BASIC group and  they roamed the UNFCCC corridors along with China and South Africa. Oh, the good years. Those times might be over, or so New Dehli fears.

Is there a better way to describe how India must be feeling right now than Goyte?

But you didn’t have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don’t even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
No you didn’t have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don’t need that though
Now you’re just somebody that I used to know

 

3. Gasolina – This goes for OPEC delegates, pretty much all of them.

Uh, do we still have to explain this? Let’s just dance to this one. We all know where there is going.

A ella le gusta la gasolina (dame mas gasolina)
Como le encanta la gasolina (dame mas gasolina)

 

4. Adele’s “When we were young” – South African Ambassador Nozipho Joyce Mxakato-Diseko, who chairs the now unruly G77 and China.

South Africa currently chairs the G77 and China group, which is a tricky situation with all the internal struggle over… well, everything.

Sounds difficult to bring together more than 130 countries to one position, right? We have issues inside the block that are divisive like the 1.5 or 2 degree target. But we bet there was a time when G77 and China had it easier — like maybe when they were young?

You still look like a movie
You still sound like a song
My God, this reminds me
Of when we were young

Let me photograph you in this light
In case it is the last time
That we might be exactly like we were
Before we realized
We were sad of getting old
It made us restless
It was just like a movie
It was just like a song

 

5. Kelis’ “Milkshake” – Tony de Brum getting more and more parties for his High Ambition Coalition

Tony de Brum is the cool kid in town at the moment, giving more press conferences on new members to High Ambition Coalition than we can keep track of. Yes, Tony, the boys (and girls) are flocking to your open arms.

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard,
And they’re like
It’s better than yours,
Damn right it’s better than yours,
I can teach you,
But I have to charge

I know you want it,
The thing that makes me,
What the guys go crazy for.
They lose their minds,
The way I wind,
I think its time

 

6. R. Kelly’s “I believe I can fly” – COP President and French Foreign Affairs Minister Laurent Fabius, scheduling the final draft for Thursday morning.

Laurent Fabius was very optimistic this week about getting the agreement done by Thursday. Many were skeptical but hey, if the president of the COP can see it, then we can be it, right?

Well, apparently not. But hope is not over for the agreement. The COP has been extended until Saturday and there are miracles in life we must achieve.

I believe I can fly
I believe I can touch the sky
I think about it every night and day
Spread my wings and fly away
I believe I can soar
I see me running through that open door
I believe I can fly

 

7. Meatloaf’s “I’d Do Anything For Love (But I Won’t Do That)” is definitely Todd Stern’s position on liability in Loss and Damage.

The US made many statements in this COP, including a doubling of adaptation funds and a call for resiliency. They even joined the High Ambition Coalition. It seems like the US has been supporting many things that will make for an ambitious agreement. Oh, but maybe except loss and damage. Anything but loss and damage.

Anything for love
Oh, I would do anything for love
I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that
No, I won’t do that

 

8. Limp Bizkit’s “My Way” – Malaysia’s Gurdial Singh Nijar, leading the LMDC within the G77, whenever a small island takes the floor.

The LMDC has said many strong things inside the negotiations, but we hear within the G77 it gets really tough. Malaysia’s Gurdial Singh Nijar, who speaks for the group, it not to be messed with.

This time I’m ‘a let it all come out
This time I’m ‘a stand up and shout
I’m ‘a do things my way
It’s my way
My way, or the highway

 

10. Pink Floyd’s “Money” – for Kiribati, still trying to get special recognition of SIDS vulnerability for finance and MOI.

Ah, the topic most dreaded by everyone: finance. It has been a very very tough week for vulnerable countries like Angola and the Least Developed Countries. Right now, finance is one of the key issues blocking progress in these nego, especially because there’s not enough money for adaptation. There’s been a lot of promises but everything has just been all talks and no actual contribution. This one’s for you, Kiribati.

Money, it’s a crime
Share it fairly but don’t take a slice of my pie
Money, so they say
Is the root of all evil today
But if you ask for payrise it’s no surprise
That they’re giving none away
Away, away, way
Away, away, away

 

10. Eminem’s “Without me” – Canada, after Trudeau came to office. 

So, Canada seems to have changed a bit since the last time we met, just a few weeks ago in Bonn. It’s OK Canada, everyone is a bit moody when going through puberty. It just feels good to have you back (or even if not back, just not Harper-like).

Guess who’s back, back again
Shady’s back, tell a friend
Guess who’s back,
guess who’s back,
guess who’s back,
guess who’s back
guess who’s back
Guess who’s back…

11. Coolio’s “Gangsta’s Paradise” for Saudi Arabia. Full stop.

Been spending most their lives, living in the gangsta’s paradise
Been spending most their lives, living in the gangsta’s paradise
Keep spending most our lives, living in the gangsta’s paradise
Keep spending most our lives, living in the gangsta’s paradise

Diego Arguedas Ortiz

About Diego Arguedas Ortiz

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